All I want is a tuna sandwich.

I massacred it.

I want a tuna sandwich.  That’s sounds sensible.

Albacore tuna, chopped dill, small clove of minced onion, salt and pepper, soupçon Dijon mustard, all good. Well, wrong.

My left hand does everything, from mouthwash, mail, dinner with the dogs, and blowing my hair with one hand. The right hand is DOA, it just sits there. Actually, there’s movement there; the ball works well, exercise-wise. But, alas, my right arm is stiff.

The StarKist brand takes 12 oz. of tuna. Mighty big. The Hamilton Beach can opener for lefties (or, righties) is hard. “Open cans of all types and sizes effortlessly,” it boasts. Not tuna. Maybe it’s the mechanism, maybe it’s the cut and cutting lever. After all, I’m leftie. Sometimes, my little brain is staticky, short-circuit as it were. I’m livid.

The junk drawer is a can opener, I reason. The knob and grip handles takes two hands.

Much swearing. I rooted around of a G.I. can opener with one hand. Secure the tuna with my left foot and balance the weight with one hand. The cans are sharp. Nada.

Finally, the bottle opener. Little shards of metal shavings are not good. In the garbage can it goes. Perfectly good tuna, too. 

Plan B.

Tomatoes, potatoes, kiwi...Oh my!

https://www.farmboxdirect.com/home/welcome

My caregiver, Anita, shows up once a month for shopping. Case in point, what IS the point? I shop online.

WalMart, Amazon Prime, LL Bean, Indigo Wild (goat’s soap and so much more), Yankee Candle, Wholey Fish Market in Pittsburgh; just a click. I looked online and Farmbox Direct is ideal. Organic produce, fruits and veggies, fresh things; I live myself and threw out stuff, old stuff, rancid stuff in the refrigerator. Yuck.

FD, two times a week, 2 potatoes, two tomatoes, a bunch of kale and carrots, grapefruit, navel oranges and kiwi. Apples, too. The list goes on. It’s pricey, but what’s alternative? It’s garden crisp.

Just so you know, I couldn’t speak and walk, completely aphasic, confined to a wheel chair in five hospitals for seven months,17 years ago. I didn’t know my name in ’99. 

I don’t have a car now. THAT’S ironic. I worked at Volkswagen Manufacturing and Fiat Chrysler Motors.

Mail Order Blues

"Text" is hard!

I filled out the forms (on the internet)for Highmark BS/BC from the mail order and, safe to say, it’s hard. Through the message center at Highmark, I explained the key pads (typewriter) are not working with the screen. Help. Minutes later, the message center explained that the PDF and tools and the dreaded downloading and Preview will now allow you to type your information onto the form directly.

Yeah, right. Three hours later and four pages later (much swearing, too), I did it. The “Text” is difficult, especially on the left hand.

Mail order is fast and easy. I don’t have a car, either. I called the doctor with two scripts, metoprolol and losartan potassium, for high blood pressure. I’m a happy girl.

Seventeen years ago, I couldn’t speak and walk, aphasic to the max. What a difference a day makes.  

Swedish Cutting Board

Chop, chop!

This is the best thing I ever did. 

A Swedish Cutting Board. Chops carrots, potatoes, celery, pots and pans and nooks and crannies. I open jars and cans, too. My left hand is everything; the right hand is DOA, unfortunately. There’s suction cups, four corners, and it’s difficult. Not to worry, pried with my left hand (the suction cups) and it washes with a paper towel. It adheres well.

https://www.amazon.com/Food-Preparation-System-Etac-Pattersons/dp/B0056Q12GY/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1485541206&sr=1-1&keywords=swedish+cutting+board

Use the little vise-grip (the red sphere) for jars and cans. The cutting board are four suction cups. Press tightly on the vise-grip. Use the jar gripper pad. or a tea towel works. (Remember, leftly loosy and righty tighty, sometimes, I get confused for the left hand.)  

Secret Ingredient Biscuits

Light and Fluffy

I have a cholesterol problem (statins give me joint pains) and I watch every mouthful. I had a whopping stroke, too. I watch an America Test Kitchen* on PBS.

That said, I substituted 3/4 cup of Vegan Hellman’s Mayo, 1 cup of Silk Cashew, 1 tsp. of diil, and two bulbs of garlic (10 seconds nuked, garlic press). It’s light and delicious.

Recipe: Secret Ingredient Biscuits

2 cups flour

1 tablespoon sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoons baking soda

3/4 teaspoons salt

1 cup Silk cashew 

3/4 cups Vegan Hellman’s Mayo

1 tsp. of dill

two cloves of garlic (10 seconds nuked, garlic press)

*ATK 1 cup of milk and 3/4 cup mayonnaise, alternative.

A Mild Case of the Shingles

Ew. Shingles.

Sunday evening, I watched Madam Secretary with Tia Leone, and something happened.  My left brain and scalp itches, markedly. I tried to ignore it. A stabbing pain, in my brain, through and through. The stroke comes to mind.

Two days after, I broke out in, presumingly, hives. Sixty-eight years, I never broke out in hives. The left neck, throat, my left ear and left scalp itches. Very strange.

I have rats outside the house, specifically, the garage. I live out in the country, varmints, ground moles and, yes, rats. Tuesday, in the afternoon, I developed hives. I attributed that from organic rat poison…perfectly safe. I worried about owls, chipmunks and raccoons. It’s not their fault.

It’s not hives. Two times a year, fortunately, I had an appointment with my doctor Thursday, my biannual check-up.

“You have a mild case of the shingles,” the doctor said.

Incredulous, “Are you sure?”

The doctor furrows his brow, “Yes. I would know,” smirking. “You have prodromal discomfort, for two or three days before the rash?”

Tia Leone last Sunday, a stabbing pain, in my brain.

“Affirmative.”

One in three developed shingles, a scabby purulent discharge, itches like crazy and oven-mitts comes to mind. The doctor prescribed valacyclovir hcl, 1 gram tablet, for seven days. 

http://www.walgreens.com/topic/pharmacy/scheduler/shingles-vaccine_31.jsp?ext=msnSenior_Immunization_NB_Exact_Immunization_NB_Shingles_Exact_shingles_vaccine&sst=64e7317f-30f4-4721-ba7f-dec926f6346a

I hate shots and Big Pharma.  Just so you know.

A cap and bottle, please.

Sigh.

Hats off for CVS “push & turn” medicine device. Not.

For two days, I went through needle-nosed pliers, a bottle cap with ridges, manicure scissors and my trusty hammer just in case. No avail. I had a stroke. The left hand is fine but, my right hand is dead in the water.

I looked on the Internet for hot water…it soften’s the bottle. Nada. My right and left tennis shoes, firmly placed for the medicine receptacle, my left hand pushes and turns. Nyet. A child can to this. Well, wrong.

I’m complaining. I’m calling CVS. I’m a little bit aphasic, words fail me. Script notes I can do, but the CVS man/woman computer is quite hard, forming apart of numbers and digits. My head is reeling. Sixteen years, I’m totally bad with numbers. Nevertheless, a cap and bottle, please.

The mountain tops are rainy and wet, and my neighbor takes the mail for me.

“Hey, to me a favor? Can you open a bottle for me?”

Two hands. Nice.