SI...it's a bikini fest!

It's a bikini fest.

Harold, my neighbor, comes with the mail frequently, blustery winds, snow and wind. I’m not gonna do it. Brr.

“Swimsuits!” said Harold.

Swimsuits? There, Kate Upton, a necklace of beads and everything; a Sports Illustrated bikini fest. Postmarked upside down, Mickie Roller, arcane language for SI numbers, letters and address. I worry about the internet. It’s out there, lurking.

I played detective for the internet and SI appeared. Got the account number for the postmark and voila. There it is. My name, address and a Pennsylvania zip code. Well, where’s the cancellation? There, nested among the “revoke” terms, I entered-returned…but wait.

There’s pop-up screen. M2 Media Group (probably subscriptions) for cancellation; call this number. I called. There’s tuneful, melodious (prerecorded), lady stated the first issues are free. Sucker you in, perhaps? Then, the lady presents an address, if you want to cancel. Numbers and letters are bad news, really bad news. I get confused for 17 years. Regroup.

I found the internet M2 Media Group, found the cancellation, found the account number and stopped the product, all by myself. “Submit” and done. Whew.

I’m overwhelmed and flooded. I keep going.Two or three years ago, I had a sea change. I’m calmer now. Reasoning and understanding. My little brain is fried, though.

Oh, by the way, never subscribed to anything for magazines. 

Big Brother is watching you.

Internet Bank Statement

I looked at my internet bank statement every blessed day, and there’s a charge on my statement  to the tune of $162.47 for Dish Network One T. You know, TV? I have no cable, but I miss CNN. The antenna works well.

I had a stroke and words fail me. I’m a little aphasic and I have crib notes; a script. “I’m Mickie Roller. I had a stroke. I need help with my internet debit.” I ordered NOTHING. I talked to Dish numerous times. The Dish guy, Roderick, couldn’t be nicer. He had questions for the address and have you ever had Dish (No.). Bottom line, the charge was dropped.

I called PNC Bank, explained the situation and the charges were dismissed. All bases covered.

Meanwhile, what about the debit card? Yes, there’s nefarious people. Just to be safe, I ordered the debit.

Burt Lancaster!

Starbuck!

I switched the remote to the TV bedroom and “The Rainmaker” was on. No, Matt Damon, the REAL rainmaker, with Burt Lancaster, Katherine Hepburn and (you remember “Sea Hunt”) Lloyd Bridges,1956. What a wonderful flick!

Burt Lancaster, for four years, he couldn’t speak at all after the stroke, a “speechless invalid,” said Kirk Douglas, in “My Stroke of Luck”. Kirk Douglas had a stroke, too.

Surprise! Me too.

All I want is a tuna sandwich.

I massacred it.

I want a tuna sandwich.  That’s sounds sensible.

Albacore tuna, chopped dill, small clove of minced onion, salt and pepper, soupçon Dijon mustard, all good. Well, wrong.

My left hand does everything, from mouthwash, mail, dinner with the dogs, and blowing my hair with one hand. The right hand is DOA, it just sits there. Actually, there’s movement there; the ball works well, exercise-wise. But, alas, my right arm is stiff.

The StarKist brand takes 12 oz. of tuna. Mighty big. The Hamilton Beach can opener for lefties (or, righties) is hard. “Open cans of all types and sizes effortlessly,” it boasts. Not tuna. Maybe it’s the mechanism, maybe it’s the cut and cutting lever. After all, I’m leftie. Sometimes, my little brain is staticky, short-circuit as it were. I’m livid.

The junk drawer is a can opener, I reason. The knob and grip handles takes two hands.

Much swearing. I rooted around of a G.I. can opener with one hand. Secure the tuna with my left foot and balance the weight with one hand. The cans are sharp. Nada.

Finally, the bottle opener. Little shards of metal shavings are not good. In the garbage can it goes. Perfectly good tuna, too. 

Plan B.

Tomatoes, potatoes, kiwi...Oh my!

https://www.farmboxdirect.com/home/welcome

My caregiver, Anita, shows up once a month for shopping. Case in point, what IS the point? I shop online.

WalMart, Amazon Prime, LL Bean, Indigo Wild (goat’s soap and so much more), Yankee Candle, Wholey Fish Market in Pittsburgh; just a click. I looked online and Farmbox Direct is ideal. Organic produce, fruits and veggies, fresh things; I live myself and threw out stuff, old stuff, rancid stuff in the refrigerator. Yuck.

FD, two times a week, 2 potatoes, two tomatoes, a bunch of kale and carrots, grapefruit, navel oranges and kiwi. Apples, too. The list goes on. It’s pricey, but what’s alternative? It’s garden crisp.

Just so you know, I couldn’t speak and walk, completely aphasic, confined to a wheel chair in five hospitals for seven months,17 years ago. I didn’t know my name in ’99. 

I don’t have a car now. THAT’S ironic. I worked at Volkswagen Manufacturing and Fiat Chrysler Motors.

Mail Order Blues

"Text" is hard!

I filled out the forms (on the internet)for Highmark BS/BC from the mail order and, safe to say, it’s hard. Through the message center at Highmark, I explained the key pads (typewriter) are not working with the screen. Help. Minutes later, the message center explained that the PDF and tools and the dreaded downloading and Preview will now allow you to type your information onto the form directly.

Yeah, right. Three hours later and four pages later (much swearing, too), I did it. The “Text” is difficult, especially on the left hand.

Mail order is fast and easy. I don’t have a car, either. I called the doctor with two scripts, metoprolol and losartan potassium, for high blood pressure. I’m a happy girl.

Seventeen years ago, I couldn’t speak and walk, aphasic to the max. What a difference a day makes.  

Swedish Cutting Board

Chop, chop!

This is the best thing I ever did. 

A Swedish Cutting Board. Chops carrots, potatoes, celery, pots and pans and nooks and crannies. I open jars and cans, too. My left hand is everything; the right hand is DOA, unfortunately. There’s suction cups, four corners, and it’s difficult. Not to worry, pried with my left hand (the suction cups) and it washes with a paper towel. It adheres well.

https://www.amazon.com/Food-Preparation-System-Etac-Pattersons/dp/B0056Q12GY/ref=sr_1_1_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1485541206&sr=1-1&keywords=swedish+cutting+board

Use the little vise-grip (the red sphere) for jars and cans. The cutting board are four suction cups. Press tightly on the vise-grip. Use the jar gripper pad. or a tea towel works. (Remember, leftly loosy and righty tighty, sometimes, I get confused for the left hand.)